why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
