You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
