You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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