she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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