new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i've created a new STD.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
