Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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