just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
