Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
