well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
