As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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