his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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