woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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