So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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