I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
