I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
