Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
