I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
