If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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