I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
