Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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