John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
