This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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