then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
These tits shall not be calmed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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