We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
