someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
