he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
