I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wish you could order shots online.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
