absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
