Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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