Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
