well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
