my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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