i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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