Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
