Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
