I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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