i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
