DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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