i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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