Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
