Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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