Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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