roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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