I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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