there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
