She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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