i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
