Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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