Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
