You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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