her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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