If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
