My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
