how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
